2020 Guide to Valentine’s Day

If you’re going to buy flowers, visit your local farmers market and florists. I loved the bouquets I could find at the Little Italy Farmers Market in San Diego, CA.

As you probably know… This week is Valentine’s Day!

Considering it falls on a Friday this year, it’s basically set up to be the ultimate “date night” for couples and galentine squads who are into that sort of thing.

The sad news is that if you weren’t making your reservations at your babes favorite restaurant, or getting tickets to that movie/ exclusive event like months ago, you should start planning to execute plan B… cause y’all ain’t goin’ out. Sorry.

Likewise, I have no doubt that the bars and night clubs will be packed with singles ready to mingle… I haven’t been blessed with promotional texts in what feels like 50 years, but I can vividly imagine what kind of parties are being planned.

All red or all white dress codes. A big selfie wall made of roses with the word “love” or maybe just some hearts. Free champagne all night for the ladies.

Ah, to be young and hip-ish again.

Deep down, I can’t deny that I love all the mush. Valentine’s Day can feel kind of performance based to many but I kind of live for it… for other people. Gift giving and receiving isn’t one of my love languages and I lucked out because it isn’t my husbands either! I think in all of the years we have been together, we have gone out out for Valentine’s Day once, and celebrated it casually a hand full of times. We typically don’t exchange gifts, there are no big gestures, and aside from fleeting moments while watching the Pearson men go all out on This Is Us… neither of us feel bad about it.

I will admit, now that we have growing daughters (who watch our every move) I kind of feel a responsibility to perform at least a tiny bit on Valentine’s Day… so i’m not ashamed to admit I actually requested flowers this year. I know, flowers die and are super cliché but I also know that in the little minds of little girls seeing a man give a woman flowers is what romance and love look like. I’m probably reinforcing some negative gender stereotypes or standards… But it won’t be until they are older that they’ll look back and see what our love was made of. So for now, I’m happy to help them see love in a way that makes sense to them.

While giving gifts and showering the apple of your eye with love and affection is certainly not frowned upon… I can’t help but think about what kind of gifts people really want these days.

So, if I may. Let’s get real for a few minutes.

Flowers, chocolate, jewelry, fancy dinners and sexy (but tasteful, of course) lingerie are hardly ever going to be turned down, but… It’s 2020. If you really want to be a good love bug, the best gift you can give are the ones that can’t be bought.

Instead of flowers give fulfilled promises. It’s time to think about that honey do list… it’s time to think about the things you have said you would do (or stop doing) and really give it your all. It’s time to start putting your clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor… I’m talking about those unspoken inherent promises, you know?

Instead of chocolate give connection. Put the phone down, turn the tv off, close the kindle app… and connect with your person. It’s seeming like true personal connection is dying, which is sad because it’s one of the things humans actually need to feel happy in our lives. From the moment we are born we literally need to be touched a certain amount of times per day to thrive, and going without physical connection has real consequences. Being next to each other but not being in the same place isn’t what we are created to do, so it’s time to get re-invested in your physical and emotional connection with the people around you, especially your sweetheart.

Instead of jewelry give joy. When is the last time you did something just to see someone smile? Do me this favor and this Valentine’s Day do favors for your boo bear without them asking. Think about what makes this person happy – is it a clean house? A full gas tank? A venti iced upside down soy caramel macchiato with four pumps of cinnamon dolce…? (Oddly specific.) Whatever it is, being the joy bringer is a gift not only to your doll face but to you too. It’s been shown that doing things for others has a positive effect on how we view ourselves. That’s real. Look it up.

And finally, instead of lingerie give their love language. The whole “love language” thing… I know, it’s probably a broken record by now. But people talk about it constantly because there’s something to it. You don’t have to be a best selling author with 40 years of marriage and family counseling as your career to know that love isn’t a one size fits all experience. What makes you happy, what makes you sad, what annoys the hell out of you… all of that is unique to you. And that goes for your sugar plum too. No one is a mind reader, but if you know your #bae’s love language… you can honestly get pretty close.

Listen, if gifts or fancy dinners are you and your sugar’s thing then definitely go for it. But to be honest, unless it’s been pinned on their Pinterest board… you can probably bet they want one of these everlasting gifts listed above. Just double check first. Cause this is all totally subjective. And get a card, regardless.

As a small side note, I feel kind of accomplished by how many different ways I referenced partners … also the fact that I didn’t wait six months to blog again, so if you want to give me a pat on the back for either of those things I’ll gladly take it.

Until next time!